I've been on a wild ride lately. Empathic Mastery launched on October 1st. I was beyond thrilled that we made it to #1 Amazon Bestseller status in multiple categories and received twenty two 5 star reviews in the US alone! I rode that wave of elation and “OMG pinch me I must be dreaming” for over a week.
Then… I CRASHED. I came down with a cold and a mild bout of laryngitis. I knew this was my body's way of hitting the pause button. If there's one thing I know to be true, it's that we can set limits consciously and deliberately or our body and/or subconscious will do it for us. BUT I can assure you boundaries will be enforced one way or another.
Once I'd stopped long enough to bounce back, in true Capricorn fashion, I rallied and dove into leading a 9 day Empathic Safety Intensive for readers of the book. BUT the Universe had other plans. Mere days before our final Empathic Safety call, my dad was sent to the hospital. Now let me say, this was not completely unexpected. However, even though we've been anticipating his decline, it doesn't change the fact that some things are just hard. You see my dad is 86. He has lived a good long happy extroverted life and he's been fading away with dementia sometimes quickly sometimes slowly over the last few years. My dad has been an energizer bunny his whole life but at this point his batteries are running out of juice.
Now before you start going into classic empathic concern, let me assure you that while we're feeling the inevitable grief, my family and I are okay. We've been circling the wagons and everyone is showing up with a little more kindness, a little more willingness and making an effort to pitch in and carry some of the load before us. I'm particularly aware of how much the tools and philosophy of Empathic Mastery has prepared me for this most sacred time in my life. This has allowed me freedom to re-evaluate when, where and how do I lean in versus when, where and how do I slow down.
I HAD been planning to lead a three day Professional EFT Level 1&2 Training in person over the first weekend in December. A little more than a month later after the holidaze settled down, I was scheduled to kick-off the first live round of the Empathic Mastery Academy. This looked great on paper until I started to consider how much energy and mental resources are already consumed with anticipating my father's death.
I had a conversation with my EFT mentor the other day. In talking I realized that the kindest most authentic thing I can do is honor my circumstances and adjust accordingly. SO instead of trying to white knuckle my way through the next 2-3 months AND miss out on one of the most precious transitions in my entire life, I decided to lean back and slow down.I started to ponder the questions “What feels expansive?” “What's the best way to lean into the reality of this situation?” As soon as I tuned in to my answers I got teary, I felt softer and I accessed a tenderness within myself that I'd forgotten. I'd been skirting around my sadness for days by staying busy, focusing on figuring things out and feeling irritable. You see if there's one thing I've learned in the last 35 years of my life it's that grief is complicated. It often comes out in convoluted and less than obvious ways.
My M.O. with grief used to be feeling like a fraud who was taking advantage of the opportunity to postpone all the ordinary demands and obligations in my life. I had an epiphany when I was in seminary taking a class on bereavement. One of the assignments was to write an inventory of our own experiences of loss. As I wrote I realized feeling like a fraud was one of my weird ways of staying safe and trying to process grief in a manageable form.
I guess you could say I've made some real progress. Because when I made the decision to postpone both my EFT training till next spring and push out the start of the Academy, I didn't immediately accuse myself of faking it or playing grown up hooky. I'm still dealing with the sideways manifestation of grief in the form of self doubt and relentless scrutiny but I'm also making room for this to be okay.
I know that acceptance and showing up for each moment is the best way through this. I also know that resistance and not wanting to deal is par for the course. I've come to realize a few things today. The death of any parent only happens once in a lifetime. I can create the space to engage with it, or I can avoid it by staying busy. Time lines change. Integrity is more important than rapid progress or sticking to the original plan. I could compartmentalize this part of my life and dive head first into promoting new offerings but when I'm honest with myself I must admit that a good chunk of my bandwidth is already occupied. I can ignore things, but all they do is go beneath the surface. They still take as much energy as before – if not even more.
I believe that true flow and wellness comes from honoring what is, not what we wish it could be. So as I wait for my father's final page to turn and I prepare to enter a new decade I'm thinking about what I want my life to feel like.
I ask myself the following questions…
- How can I slow down?
- How can I simplify this?
- What is extraneous?
- What am I using to distract myself from the sacred?
- If 2020 is about expansiveness how can I create more space?
- How can I lean in to the holiness of each moment?
I invite you to consider these questions too.
What does a softer, gentler life look like to you? What if the key to true flow and abundance lies not in constant HUSTLE but in surrender and loving kindness? What one self imposed burden or act of busy-ness can you put down today?
I share this message to you a few days after the US holiday of Thanksgiving. As we plunge head on into the Holiday Season I'll be paring down to what really matters. I'll be keeping it simple, slowing my pace and surrendering to the ebb and flow of my emotions.
How will you honor your needs during this holiday season? When and where will you carve out space for reflection and stillness? What really matters to you? Let me know what you think.
I wish a lovely holiday season to you and yours. May your table be plentiful and your heart thankful.
Blessed be
BTW I’ve got a resource I created and it’s my gift for you. Go to http://holidayhelpforempaths.com for instant access to your Holiday Help Kit. It’s got a bunch of helpful tap-along videos a really juicy guide with practical and energetic strategies to navigate this whole season with less empathic overwhelm and MORE grace and ease.
