I was a kid the first time I heard the horrible sound of metal scraping on pavement and looked up to see an old junker shooting sparks from the back of its chassis. As was known to happen with old cars, the exhaust system had rusted out so the muffler had plummeted to the road below. Not only did the engine sound more like a chainsaw than a car, the whole spectacle was alarming to put it mildly.
Even then I knew it wasn’t business as usual for that automobile and its driver. I recognized the emergency needed to be attended to before life could go back to normal. Being the wee empathic kid I was, I took on a disproportionate amount of concern and anxiety over that stranger’s vehicle. I imagined the dire nature of their situation and I worried for them (enough that I can still see the whole picture clearly to this day).
I think that’s happening for many of us currently.
As I write, people, their pets and their water pipes are freezing across the southern states of America. A friend of mine in Arkansas has no running water because her pipes have frozen. She already has 7” of snow on the ground and an additional 7” is predicted over the next 24 hours. Another friend in Texas is dealing with rolling black-outs. She and her kids have spent the last few days dressed in layers and huddled under blankets to stay warm. Their fish tank is wrapped with quilts and strapped on hot water bottles in hopes that they can keep their betta fish from perishing.
This southern freeze is but ONE of the many things we’re collectively dealing with right now. I could name the ever growing list of challenges we’re facing, but I’ll spare you the litany and the exhaustion that comes from just thinking about all of it.
As someone who works with highly sensitive empathic women, I’ve been hearing a variation of just how overwhelmed, worried and exhausted everyone is.
Common themes are:
- Self doubt and confusion because friends and family members are all over the place about what to believe and what to do. While my clients take the pandemic seriously there are loved ones who can’t or simply won’t.
- Difficulty setting, holding and reinforcing boundaries, especially with people who are not on the same page about social distancing, vaccines and mask wearing.
- Feeling like they’re doing it wrong. Thinking that feelings of discomfort, anxiousness, fatigue and brain fog is a sign of being broken instead of an absolutely appropriate response to the precarious circumstances we’re all enduring right now.
- Comparing our lives to other peoples’ lives. This includes loading on the shoulds about productivity, success, parenting, self care, fitness, sleep and stress management. God/dess bless everyone who feels pressure to pivot, to launch a new business, to write the next great novel, to learn a new language or to use this time productively.
The truth is that EVERYONE I know personally and professionally is struggling in some way or another. I've noticed that pets seem to be crossing over significantly more than usual. I’m hearing about sleep disturbances, restless nights, and subsequent insomnia hangovers the following morning. Not only are most of the women I know dealing with sleep issues, some of their kids are too. Health stuff like chronic pain, digestive distress, allergies, and debilitating fatigue are all up. Complex mental and emotional issues are getting stirred up from all the tension and stress. Toxic judgement, negative self talk and harsh inner criticism have all reared their nasty heads. Ancestral legacies, unresolved karma from previous incarnations and mental/emotional blocks from this lifetime are rising to the surface to reveal snarled multi-factored tangles. I’m either saying or hearing “It’s a $h!t $how” at least one time every single day. Truth is… this time is hard for most of us. AND we make it even worse for ourselves with all the expectations, pressure and constant scrutiny.
One of the things I love about working with my clients is how deeply I can feel compassion for them and their situations. I’ve noticed it’s much easier to grant them this kind of mercy than give it to myself, BUT as I recognize these amazing women are doing the best they can, and I sincerely feel how deserving they are of loving kindness and mercy, I start to allow myself some of that grace as well.
Earlier today I was working with one of these women. I realized that most of the time we regard discomfort as a sign that something needs to be fixed. BUT in the same way that giving birth is just plain uncomfortable and not something to be concerned about, now is a time in human history when feeling out of sorts, distressed and wonky is completely normal. For empaths this is especially true. If you just consider the millions of people grieving the loss of the nearly half a million dead from CoVid in the US alone, you begin to grasp the magnitude of the anguish being broadcast through our interconnected web of life.
Perhaps you've noticed the lack of posts coming from me, or the significant decrease of my engagement on social media lately. Truth is, I’ve been circling the wagons and using my energy for the most important things. These last few months felt like I dropped my muffler. I'd been treading water up through the election. 2020 had more than its share of challenges for me but I’d somehow managed to keep on keeping on. I’d bounced back from a concussion that right after Christmas 2019. I found my bearings after we had to put down our 19 year old cat Lyra the week lockdown started here in Maine in late March. I even rallied after my father died from CoVid last May. Between daily prayer with my goddessy rosary beads, regular EFT/Tapping and Emotion Code work, using flower essences, essential oils and spending time cultivating gratitude and planting my feet on the earth while looking up to the sky I was miraculously able to maintain my stamina and greater sense of purpose. I even kept my momentum going despite waking up with my heart pounding and feeling like my body was plugged into an electric outlet ten days to 2 weeks prior to major CoVid Surges, my dad’s death or things like the attempted coup in our nation’s capital.
But then on Monday November 16th our beloved 11 year old pug Bob died unexpectedly due to complications following bladder surgery. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Not only did I suddenly lose the 24/7 companion who followed me everywhere during every waking moment of every day, we had no fur babies in our home for the first time in nearly 19 years! Pretty much everything other than absolute essentials came to a grinding halt for me. No matter how much I tried to pull myself up by the bootstraps, I was adrift and grieving. The thing about grief is that it doesn’t always look like emotional sadness or despair, sometimes it shows up as bone tired weariness and feeling rudderless. I only had the energy to focus on the vital details. Podcast interviews, daily instagram posts with large chunks of inspired writing, newsletters, videos and FB lives all simply slid off my radar. I had enough energy to pray. I had enough energy to cook and clean. I had enough energy to reach out to loved ones. I had enough energy to serve and support my beloved 1:1 clients. I had enough energy to search for new fur babies. But that was pretty much all I had energy for.
Eventually I began to feel a glimmer of energy for the 9 week online EFT Training I’ll be starting in March, but all the other stuff has stayed on the back burner. This has been a time for keeping it simple. This has been a time for respecting my body and heart’s limits. This has been a time to appreciate the little things and savor the moments with our two 5 month old brother and sister baby kitties. (Here’s a short IG video of their CRAZINESS and unbearable cuteness)
I decided to poke my head out of my groundhog den to write this message. Because, if there’s one thing I hope to express, it’s how important it is for all of us to be extra gentle with ourselves right now. Even if it feels like you are simply treading water today, I want to celebrate what a miracle you are. Instead of berating yourself for how you did or did not “crush” 2020, how about we all give ourselves major props that 2020 didn’t crush us! If that meant binge watching Good Witch or Sabrina on netflix, pulling out frozen pizza more times than you care to mention and/or giving your kids a pass on screen time limits, if you are reading this, then you’ve done the one most important thing right – you’ve stayed alive. It’s okay to give ourselves a break right now. It’s really okay to direct our limited energy towards the essentials and hit the pause button on the rest. Part of me trusts that in time things will shift again, and I know that surviving is the key to getting there.
SO if you are struggling, if you are having a hard time sleeping, if you are comparing yourself to others and feeling like you are coming up short, if you are doubting yourself, if you are second guessing yourself after saying NO, if you are feeling lost, scared and despondent, please know this… You are not alone.
As I wind down this post, I’ll share three things…
- My personal prayer: (for those moments when I’m really in the muck) Divine Source (Mother Father God) lead me from my fretting mind and help me to sink into the Grace and Truth of Your Sacred Heart –Amen
- A question: How can I be especially kind and gentle with myself today? Where can I cut myself some more slack?
- An Opportunity: As of March 13th I'll be teaching a 9 week Level 1 & 2 EFT Training. This is great for developing and deepening tapping skills, connecting with other EFT enthusiasts, and/or becoming an EFT practitioner through the largest EFT organization on the planet. Go here for more information. BTW class size is limited to no more than 9 students, please reach out soon if this is something you are called to do.
Well that’s about all I’ve got in the tank for now. I’ve got dishes to deal with and litter boxes to scoop. So I will sign off by offering you SO MUCH LOVE. Together we’ll get to the other side of all of this. Until then, hang in there. Please be as nice to yourself at least as much as you are with everyone else you care about.
